Turning myself into words has always been hard for me. Sometimes I feel too much, sometimes I feel nothing. Hardly ever is it in-between. My first notebook was from Michael's, I was in high school and i wanted to give writing a shot so I chose the cutest one. 2 1/2 years later and I'm starting to write in my 3rd one.
To be honest, i started my first notebook with the idea that it was pointless. I'd seen and read about other artists, having small notebooks with them where ever they went. During most of my time in highs cool i was struggling with trying to brand myself as an actual artist, i always thought I could do more, I should dress a certain way and hang out with specific types of people. I was too blind to see that i already was one. Getting a notebook changed that completely. I've realised how superficial I used to think, how important other people's opinions were for me. How much i doubted myself and therefore thought other people doubted me.
I didn't like what I would write.
I have a million pages that are crossed out or scribbled on because i hated those words. I hated my writing and most of the time i'd go to bed unsatisfied with what I've done. I get stressed, i feel like theres nothing to write. Its been said and done, every beautiful words been already sung... (Thank you Selena Gomez) Every time i get writers block, and i get them very often, i automatically think of those lyrics.
I still go to bed sometimes feeling like i have way more potential than what I'm giving out, and thats okay. We are learning to grow and there will be ups and downs. I do suggest how ever, to everyone and anyone that is feeling stressed, down, confused, or just plain lost, to grab a journal and start writing. Write everything. Seriously. Theres something about being able to express yourself without the concern that someone will read it. We are humans, therefore we are complex. You can start by trying to write out your own story.